I can’t help but feel that I am being swallowed up in a powerful vortex of … well, time. We have left Thanksgiving behind and are speeding towards Christmas at a breakneck pace. In this day & age it is difficult to partake in any normal activity involving other people without the subject of “time” at least being uttered. I’ll give you some examples: “sorry I’m late” (said with just the right lack of sincerity) “this will only take a minute” (yeah, riiiggghht) “…and so in closing…” (the worst of them all).
One of the scary things about time is that there is no pause or rewind button. however the older I get the more I’m convinced that somewhere the fast forward button has gotten stuck in the on position. I have this theory that states: “the older you get the more rapidly your existence seems to accelerate”. In layman’s terms (for those of you not as learned as the rest of us) this is simply saying that the older you get the faster the years go by. Upon founding this theory I immediately put it to the test. I conducted a long, extensive, and sometimes exhausting study into this matter. First off I implemented a survey and received some very amazing results: average time to elapse between birthdays: at age 2. “what is a birthday?” at age 6. “approximately 27 months 48 days 7 hours and 84 seconds. Give or take a few hours. (O.K. we established that a six year old has very little grasp of the order of time but the point is it takes a long time for the next birthday party to arrive.) at age 48. “on average about 8 months” at age 117. “what is a birthday?”. So as you can see from this vast quantity of knowledge when we hit 117 you are pretty much back in the same mental state that you were at age 2. no,… wait that is not the conclusion I wanted to highlight in this study. The actual and most interesting point here is that the older you get the faster time goes. (there, I have just successfully fortified my own theory without ever leaving my chair) It is getting to the point where I sometimes feel like I am watching my life zip past me and I am helpless to do anything about it. Why, it seems like only yesterday that I was laying on the floor playing with my lego set after I had…oh wait a minute I think that was yesterday. I’m sorry that was a bad example. Ok here is something I know those of you over the age of 23 can identify with: two weeks ago was the first day of summer. There, did that get your attention? Well it should. This brings me to another theory (not of my own making) that says: time is relative. (If you touch you hand to a hot stove for one second, it will seem like one minute but if you kiss your true love for a minute, it will seem like one second.) I can’t in all honesty say that I have experienced both of these instances but I can agree with the whole relative thing. I have a few relatives that when they come to visit for a day it seems like a week and others that visit for a week and it seems like a month. Did that come out right? Well just in case you happen to be one of my relatives and you are reading this as you wonder if I am referring to you I can only answer you with an old saying I just butchered: if the shoe fits, its probably about worn out. (just like your welcome) there was that plain enough?
All kidding aside, I hope I haven’t hurt any ones feelings or discouraged you with thoughts of your age and life in general. I just urge you to go forth from here and take advantage of every second you have and to live your life to the fullest!!! And remember that Christmas is only a couple days away. (for those of you under 16, let me warn you it will probably be more like 3 months.)
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