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Just a thought…

Well folks, it’s here.  I am not indicating Thanksgiving. Although it will soon be upon us, nor am I talking about the ending of a perfectly horrible season of Notre Dame football.  (this too is looming inevitably in the near future.  I have just returned from the game against Air Force and I can relate to you without fear of any rebuttal at all that we STINK!  In fact Notre Dame stinks so bad that they wouldn’t even be allowed to compete in the “toilet bowl” they would get flushed if you get my drift.)  No, what I am really referring to is that time of year when we have to change our clocks back again.  As a Hoosier, I am fairly new to this strange practice.  I have even voiced my discomfort with this ritual on this site in the past. 

This past week I was traveling from Chicago to South Bend with my brother and we were discussing our concerns about daylight savings time.  He told me I should research the relation between living in an area where it gets dark at 4:30 and the rate of suicides or crime rate in general for that area.  He mentioned that no one would be better suited for this job than me since I am (with some respect and even wonderment from my colleagues and loyal subscribers [fellow xangaers] ) able to pull “facts” and other useless information out of thin air.  Some would call this artistic others would call it “having an over-active imagination” while most would consider it just plain old fashioned making-it-up-as-you-go-along.  (not under any circumstances should this be confused with lying)  Anyway, after conducting several minutes of this type of research, I recognized a pattern emerging:  the crime rate in cities that were unfortunate enough to be located in the eastern most region of their respective time zone was higher than those situated on the west side (where it will be daylight for an hour longer).  For a simple comparison I have chosen New York City and Chicago vs a town like Albertsville Ky.  While NYC and Chicago are both in the eastern quadrant of their time zones, no one really knows where Albertsville is located, but the facts are pretty disturbing:  As you may have guessed the crime rate in NYC was wayyyy more higher than Albertsville’s total population.  As I stated earlier, this is very disturbing to me and I have come up with a solution.  If you will allow me, I would like to share it with you now.  No objections?  Good, OK here it is, I call it the NALAWHBODST plan. (Never Again Lose A Whole Hour Because Of Daylight Savings Time) this is how it would work: I would start by taking a typical time zone and divide it equally into 60 mini time zones. (hereafter revered to as: mtz)  (some of you who have a 4th grade education or higher can already detect where I’m going with this.) For the rest of you, let me break it down for you: (is it just me, or have I used an excessive amount of colons and parenthesis so far?) anyway back to the mtzs: each of the mtzs would represent one minute so instead of crossing an imaginary line and Wham! It is one hour later/earlier, you would be able to gradually adjust to the time change.  Now here is the good part: next spring, when Daylight Savings Time comes around again, you would only have to turn your clock forward 1 minute instead of a whole hour because if you add up all the mtz in your time zone you would come up with 60 minutes which of course equals 1 hour.  I think we should implement the NALAWHBODST plan immediately.  In fact we could even take it one step further and create 60 sub zones in each mtz: one for every second.  Then we could…. No, I guess that would be taking things a little too far.

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  1. A little like sitting in the barber shop, listening to the conversation. A lot of information, but not much you can actually use.

  2. Hey, great thinking on comparing NYC and Chicago to Albertsville. I’m sure the respective crime rates have striking similarities when you look at them closely. Have you compared big city crime rates at all with, say, Etna Green for example. I was considering elevating it just a bit they other day when my neighbors cows were in my yard. Is there such a charge as “voluntary cowslaughter”?

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