So, having a new baby in the house is great.  Unless you start adding up all the hours of sleep lost since he was born.  (Our sleep that is, not his.  He seems to sleep just fine.  If only we could convince him to do it at night.)  We haven’t gotten a good night sleep since February, 9th .  (By that I simply mean 5 or more consecutive hoursatatimeallinarowwithoutinteruption)  The only major effect that I can relate at this point is that I have become very paranoid and have developed a severe eye twitch.  The other day I was standing in a checkout line patiently waiting for my turn when I realized that everyone in the store was looking at me with some concern.  The paranoia immediately started kicking in until I realized what they were looking at.  It wasn’t even that interesting, like having forgotten to put on my pants before leaving the house that morning.  It was simply that I was wearing my nonreversible coat inside-out.  (I have found that when you know you are being followed a good trick to lose the “tail” is to walk into a restroom or some other doorway and as quickly as you can reverse your coat and walk back out again.  If you were wearing a purple jacket when you walked in, your “tail” will obviously be looking for a purple jacket to reappear.  However if you walk out 23 seconds after you entered and now you are wearing a yellow jacket, you could walk right past him/her without a second glance.)  I had used this tactic to throw somebody off my track earlier that morning and had been so preoccupied with looking over my shoulder that I forgot to re-reverse my coat again.  Unfortunately for me, I was wearing one of my old coats and the liner was certainly not designed to ever see anything except my sweaty armpits.  Also maybe I should note here that if you choose to use this trick in the future, it may be wise to use the restroom that is considered appropriate for your gender.  This is not always essential but it could save you 23 seconds of awkward silence.  Especially if there is a line of surprised yet not uninterested women waiting their turn for the single stall with a functioning lock.  It also will not improve their overall bad-humor and suspicion if you are the victim of a severe eye twitch. 

Bottom line:  get your sleep.  I read this past week that if you do not get your needed sleep (average humans between ages of 19, to the day after you retire: 8 hours per night/day) you are 50% more likely to get sick than those who get their sleep.  That means that I had better stop rambling and go to bed….wait a minute. Did you hear that?  I think there is someone outside my window.  Maybe if I…no that isn’t going to work, I’m caught out in the open without a coat.….BLINK…..BLINK…..BLINK…………

9 thoughts on “

  1. where do you come up with that?    I love your sense of humor!!!!!  I’m surprised, I thought you were used to having a line of  women waiting for you?  Don’t tell Debra I said that!      Well peace and love     give Hailey and Carson a hug for me     darren

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  2. I must say I prefer the “reversible coat” to the “no pants” issue…….I am afraid that your line of “not uninterested” women in the restroom would rapidly turn into a mass high-speed exit of the restrooms!!!! 🙂 The sad thing about all of this is that you are just as (how do i put this delicately?) STRANGE as when you do get sleep!!!! 🙂

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  3. funny stuff!  Is any of it even remotely true.  I should ask your wife how much sleep you really get?  Or, from the sound of it you get in on the night duty. Good luck.  From now on you may want to buy only reversable jackets.  Might save you some trouble:)

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